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To Create Relationships That Are
Healthy & Mutually Satisfying
Try This Approach
The sustaining connections we have with others are
fundamentally emotional ones that we create as we interact in ways that intertwine our own emotional life with that
of another person.
Yet, finding how to form these deep, subjective bonds with others in healthy and mutually satisfying ways can be a
huge challenge - a process that can be overwhelming, especially if we undertake it without a guide for how to do
Luckily one guide we can use is the fundamental makeup of our own emotional selves. We can take into account each
of the six primary areas of emotional life we have in common with every other human being.
Then as we weave our emotional life with that of another, we create emotional relationship connections that support
all parts of ourselves and that do so in healthy ways.
We can start creating a healthy and mutually satisfying relationship in that way, and we can also use the same
method to work in that direction with one that already exists.
The relationship evolves in healthier and more mutually supportive ways when each person agrees that:
1. We both have a right to exist; to have our own needs, feelings,& wants,
to be connected and to belong. We address these in our relationship in a process
of loving negotiation and mutual cooperation.
2. We each have a right to explore and move in the world to gather our own
sensory knowledge of the world and to
maintain the connection to each other while we do so.
3. We support our own and each others/ right to think for ourselves
be separate from each other, acting as individuals living our own lives
and making our own boundaries while taking taking into account
how our individual actions affect our relationship.
4. We have the right to find out who we are and develop our own place
in the social world as individuals, as well as to develop a place for
our relationship in the social world.
5. We each have a right to develop our own unique skills,
priorities and values, to have our own opinions
and grant that right to each other.
6. We each have a right to take responsibility for becoming
increasingly in charge of our own lives, our
life choices and their consequences.
When this agreement is at the foundation of the relationship, then each person can address these two fundamental
questions separately and also with the other person:
How is each of us supporting these six inner parts of our individual selves in this relationship?
How are we supporting each other in all six areas ?
The above is an excerpt from Emotional Development 101, an online, once-per-week, one-hour per week class where
you can learn all about how your inner subjective life operates and how it applies to your parenting,
grandparenting, work life, learning process, creative life and more. http://www.emotionaldevelopment101.com
Pamela Levin, R.N., T.S.T.A.
August 27, 2012
Pamela Levin is an R.N. and a Teaching and Supervising Transactional Analyst in private practice 42 years. She has
taught and trained professional and lay audiences all over the world on the subjects of creating a healthier
emotional life and relationships.
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