Note: One of the primary reasons we
need emotional support is to deal with our feelings. How we manage feelings is central to our
overall emotional health as well as our emotional healing process. And learning to manage feelings
is a primary emotional intelligence (EQ) skill.
Here are some tasty nuggets for you
- simmered slowly over some thirty-five years of clinical experience: observations made by clinical
psychologist and Transactional Analysis therapist H.D. Johns.
Remember, these are the kinds of
messages we need to be telling ourselves and each other about our very human feelings - and we all
I suggest you read this over to get
familiar with it; then revisit it often to review and remind you of some healthy messages
THINGS I THINK I KNOW ABOUT
by H.D. Johns,
Fear to Fury,
Copyright © H.D. Johns, PhD
Reserved, Used by Permission
Note: Dr. Johns is
currently Director of the Greater Washington
Institute for Transactional Analysis. A practicing
psychotherapist for 35 years, he has focused on
feeling (affect) and how it affects our lives. The following are things he has come to believe about
1. Everybody feels.
2. Some people are not in touch with their
3. The feelings in two or more individuals
differ in degree and not in kind.
4. Every feeling has its somatic
5. Feeling does not dissipate energy. The
automatic repression of feeling dissipates energy.
6. Denying a feeling does not get rid
7. Identifying and accepting a feeling does
not put it out of control.
8. Identifying and accepting a destructive
feeling (e.g., fear) tends to dilute it.
9. Identifying and accepting a positive
(e.g., sexual) feeling tends to strengthen it.
10. Identifying and accepting a feeling
brings it under cognitive control.
11. Some feelings (e.g.
guilt, resentment, defiance, jealousy and concern) are feeling structures, i.e., they are intellectualized
vehicle and screens, for fear.
12. Feeling structures can be used to
maintain unwanted familiar behavior patterns. (Rackets)
13. All feelings are mixed feelings; never
14. Trauma can cause a change of
15. It is easier to change feeling by
changing behavior than to change behavior by changing feeling.
16. Suppression of negative feelings tends
to suppress positive feeling.
17. Institutions tend to be afraid of and suppress
18. Feelings tend to move in repetitive,
19. Repetitive, automatic behavior patterns
are connected with old feelings.
20. Redeciding is a process of accepting an
old feeling pattern without automatically accepting the old behavior pattern that
went with it.
21. In human relationships, the
communication of feeling is more
important than the communication of logic.
22. Logic does not answer
23. It's OK to feel anything you feel.
(This is the beginning step in getting well from depressive reactions, and
24. It's OK to think while you are
25. It's OK to do while you are thinking
26. It's OK to enjoy while you are doing,
thinking and feeling.
27. It's OK to relax while you are
enjoying, doing,thinking and feeling.