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To Build Healthier Relationships, Address Hidden Emotional Hungers
Use These Four Steps to Get You Started
Relationships are the very heart of our lives, and
even though our very health and well-being depends on them working well, we often overlook a fundamental truth
about them that has everything to do with how well they succeed and whether or not they fail.
That truth is that emotional hungers - often hidden ones - drive the actions of the people involved. And when the
parties in a relationship make choices based on these emotional needs to which they remain oblivious - well, the
predicted outcome can is likely to become a first class mess!
Words like accusations, recriminations, arguments, stony silences, frozen feelings, illicit affairs come to mind.
Not what anybody would consciously choose if they thought about it.
So, what's the alternative? Is there a better way? Yes, indeed. It's a simple, step-by-step process:
1. First, accept that having emotional hungers is normal. Everyone has them. This means there's no need to freak
out or create any drama or emergency about them. You won't die if you admit to having yours.
2. Allow yourself to gradually become aware of what these emotional hungers are that have been driving your
behavior without you realizing it. At this stage, just admit them to yourself. Don't communicate them yet to anyone
else, as you don't know how they might react.
3. Then, take responsibility for them - in other words, own, rather than disowning or pushing them away:
"These are my emotional hungers and therefore it is up to me to find
safe and effective ways to take care of them."
4. Commit yourself to the ongoing process of keeping yourself emotionally well-nourished. The benefit of
keeping yourself in a state of positive emotional sustenance cannot be over-emphasized.
One benefit is feeling good in yourself. You feel your core self developing, your individuality blooming in a
Another is that you're changing for the better the internal, environmental signals that elicit the behavior of your
cells - and therefore you will produce better physical health.
Yet perhaps the area where the positive effect is most profound is in your social relationships
Remove the stress from trying to get something you need from the other person without you - or they - knowing what
that is, and your relationships automatically improve.
That's because you're no longer relating from an emotionally needy place. Then, too, as your state of emotional
nourishment improves, you become full enough to offer emotional nourishment in your relationships. In short, you
just can't lose!
If you feel stuck about how you might take care of your emotional hungers - if you feel like you don't have a clue,
or if you have some clues but would like to be reminded, don't worry. You don't have to go to some group, seminar
You can sample three core emotional nutrients - messages that feed your aspects of your core emotional self - go to
http://www.youremotionalnutrients.com and click on the
You'll find a key emotional nutrient that nourishes your core self, another that feeds your independent self and
supports your making healthy boundaries, and a third that nurtures your skillfulness. You can listen as many times
as you want, and they're free.
The bottom line is that you always have those as an option - even if you wake up emotionally hungry at 2 in the
Pamela Levin, R.N. is a Teaching & Supervising Transactional Analyst and award-winning author. In private
practice 42 years, she has taught and trained professional and lay audiences around the world in ways to create
mutually satisfying relationships.
Pamela Levin, R.N., T.S.T.A.
November 20, 2012
For more information on emotional hungers and how to take care of them, plus three free samples emotional
nutrients, go to http://www.youremotionalnutrients.com
Tags: positive relationship healthy relationship relationship problem what is social health emotional support emotional health social health improve a relationship relationship success
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