Because each of us is unique, each of us is different, and that can be a source of tension and conflict between people in any kind of relationship - intimate, work, ethnic, national.

If you want to minimize fighting, relationship ruptures, tension and trauma in your relationships and get along with others, checking out your mental attitude is a great place to start. That's because it can make a major difference in reducing, even eliminating painful disputes and disruptions.

So, before you start to develop a problem in a relationship, check to see what fundamental attitude you hold about your own humanity and that of others. Here's one example of such an attitude that has proven exceptionally effective.

It involves accepting that there is a fundamental pattern that underlies your individual life that you share with every other individual and also with all of nature and the cosmos.  Its a pattern hidden in the private world of people's inner lives, where it operates as a dynamic force that propels us through a series of repeating life passages.

No matter what our culture, becoming fully human means mastering its challenges, for it affects everything in our lives, our relationships, productivity, parenting, values and more.

Accepting that you share this natural and universal blueprint with every other human and with humanity in general creates that healthy mental attitude - one that guides you to recognize the commonalities you share with others behind the differences.  And it helps you celebrate those differences rather than use them as a springboard into unhealthy conflicts.

The more you deepen this awareness and accept its truth, the more you come home to yourself, to who you really are. And, at the same time you also develop tolerance, understanding and compassion for others, for you see the commonalities of your shared basic nature behind any individual or cultural differences.

You not only share this pattern with others, you also share its components. They are part of the ever-unfolding process of human life as it unfolds in a series of six stages. You even share the key elements of each stage with everyone else - for example, you need to carry out the same emotional tasks to grow in healthy ways, and you share the same the emotional needs.

Accept this fact and you accept your own basic humanity and that of everyone else, no matter how different they may seem on the surface or in any particular moment. And that has the power to greatly reduce, even eliminate disturbing conflicts and negative exchanges.

Pamela Levin, R.N.
June 27, 2011

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